A Partner's Finances Can End a Relationship: 55% of Daters Surveyed Say Debt Can be a Dealbreaker, According to New Earnest Report
Earnest's new research reveals that debt is quietly shaping who we date, trust, and commit to.
Even as debt becomes a key compatibility filter, most couples are avoiding the conversation altogether. Despite 60% citing money as their leading source of relationship tension, 61% say they wait until they're officially exclusive before disclosing debt—creating a silence that often fuels stress, mistrust, and conflict.
This silence carries a heavy emotional toll:
- Debt is harder to admit than who you voted for: 25% of daters rank debt as their most avoided conversation topic, making it more uncomfortable to discuss than politics (22%), religion (7%), or family drama (7%).
- Debt is sabotaging dating confidence before anyone even swipes: Nearly half (43%) report that their dating confidence fluctuates based on how their debt is perceived, and 11% say debt makes them feel 'undateable.'
- Money fights are about habits, not just balances: The top drivers of financial conflict are differences in spending habits (58%) and stress about making ends meet (58%). One-third (33%) of couples in conflict also cite 'financial avoidance' or hiding purchases as a significant stressor.
Despite these anxieties, the data suggests that debt is rarely a dealbreaker when met with a clear strategy:
- The "Repayment" Green Flag: 61% of respondents will overlook a partner's debt if they are "actively paying it down," and 34% say a clear repayment plan nullifies the red flag.
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Student debt gets sympathy. Credit card debt gets side-eye: Daters are nearly 5x more accepting of student loan debt (threshold of
~$55K ) than credit card debt (~$12K ), viewing "investment debt" through a far more sympathetic lens. - Debt stops couples from taking the next step: When a plan is absent, debt stalls life stages. Nearly one-quarter (23%) would delay moving in with a partner carrying $20K–$49K in non-mortgage debt—though 15% take an unconditional view, stating no amount of debt would prevent cohabitation.
"In dating today, unmanaged debt is perceived as an unmanaged life. People aren't walking away because someone has debt; they're walking away because they don't see ownership," said
The full findings from Earnest's 2026 Debt and Dating Research Report can be found here. For borrowers interested in learning more about how they can potentially save money by refinancing their student loans, please visit https://www.earnest.com/refinance-student-loans.
Methodology
The study is based on proprietary data collected in
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed by the interview subjects are not necessarily those of Earnest. This post provides personal finance educational information, and it is not intended to provide legal, financial, or tax advice.
About Earnest
Since 2013, Earnest has empowered ambitious students and professionals through life's biggest financial milestones. Whether it's funding higher education, refinancing student debt as careers take off, or financing life's next chapter, we provide the right tools at the right time. We empower people on their journey from debt to wealth through flexible student loan refinancing and personal loans that help them take control and start building the life they envision.
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